I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
