Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Farmville is her only friend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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