gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love having hate sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
