I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Help. Why am I so naked?
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