i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
