Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
