Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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