And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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