I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
