I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
