She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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