Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
