you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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