Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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