some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i need some magic done to my vagina
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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