Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
