We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
