Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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