i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was confusing and full of hummus
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
