She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
