I am puke
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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