ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
