Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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