I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
