Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
