marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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