So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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