I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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