So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
