They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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