I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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