I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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