dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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