would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
