take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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