so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
