Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
