One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
did i just pee glitter
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
