If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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