one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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