based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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