Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
