I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
