shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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