Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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