I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize