Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want nice things and good sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
