Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
