So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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