Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
third nipple confirmed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
