Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
