We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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