I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
