I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
