Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
