sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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