in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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