I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
