All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm too high and old for this...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
