why didn't you poke me back
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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