i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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