We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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