That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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