We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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