i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
