hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
