I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
