Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
