Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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