U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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