Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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