Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize