there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
