Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
