I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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